By the time you read this,
my heart would have hardened once again after the heartache.

You met Cindy at Tampines One.
You may think that I am stalking you or you might come up with another excuse
to cover this all up. but its of no use.
There's no need for you to deny. My friends saw you with her.
You may say that its not Cindy.
But my caring friends who are so smart and kaypoh
took a picture of her and you as evidence to convince me.
Not 1 but 2 who recognised you.
It took them a few days before they had the courage to tell me.
I knew you were texting her before because while you
were texting her, I saw her name. but i didnt probe further.
Remember i asked you if you've been texting Cindy?
and you said "no"? I already knew the answer.

Then it comes to a final question. Why didn't I confront you.
I must be really stupid or dumb not to. Truth is, I wanted to.
I wanted to confront you with the truth so badly.
I wanted to ask for a break up but i didnt. because I love you.

I remember telling you once that of all people, Cindy is the one person that
I didnt want you to meet until I am ready.
but here you go, lying to me to meet her.
If you really love her still, just tell me. I would leave without a word.
You dont have to lose your anger at me or find an excuse.
I'll leave just like that. I wont even question the reason.
Dont tell me that you know that i will be upset or mad if i knew.
Its not because you met her. but you LIED to me to meet her.
that is what saddens me the most

Can you imagine the heartache i am going through?
My heart is crying but I cant show it on my face.
because i still believe that the one you love is me.
but if it is otherwise, please tell me straight to my face.
I am hurting so badly. I've been crying to myself.
but you wouldnt know.
How does it feel to know that i'm hurting?
Does it hurt you too? or it doesnt matter?

I'm letting this matter go. and i wont bring it up anymore.
but if i knew of such things again in the future, i will take my departure.
I'm not gonna be a softie forever.
I have my limits too.

I dont know when will you read this.
but I just want to let you know that my purpose in typing this out
is not to break up with you because if i wanted to, I would have done so.
But because I needed a venue to vent my inner emotions
as well as to let you know that Cindy is my triggering point.
I will not endure this if it happens again, I will leave.
It must be my flaws and inadequecies that are not up to your expectations.
By then, I will admit that I am not the woman that you're looking for.
and by then, I hope you will not regret that you've made the choice
to give me up for Cindy. This is the 2nd time.

I love you but that doesn't mean that I will tolerate
everything that comes my way. I just want you to understand this.
I dont want you to bring this matter up because I just wanna forget it.
and if you bring this up, Im not sure what my reaction would be.
I will heal slowly but surely. and hopefully, I can love you the way
you want me to with the cracks in my heart.


/Lying next to you all bruised and torn.